Where to start...

You know, I'm sitting here and thinking where to start? How exactly do you write your life in naught but a few words? How do you transfer years of a life you barely remember with only few glimpses to a story you have no memory of being in? And right now I feel the need to explain my lack of memory, but to tell you that, would be starting in the middle and the point of telling a life story is to start at the beginning (not to worry it's not due to accident or disease). It's 3 minutes passed 12am as I write this and I have so much going through my mind; regrets, failures, dreams, hopes and love; the deep kind of heart piercing connection between two people... your average stuff really. Among all that I still have no idea where to start. It's funny how everything is so intertwined that it almost seems as though time has no extince in one's mind.

Anyway... stay tuned for the beginning. My loving husband awaits me and I long to return to his arms. 

Reflections From A Soul

Where is the fire that burned so bright
Why this darkness consumes me deliberately hole
I do not fight as I instead, I succumb
To this form of idolatry I call my own
Temptation no longer seems so evil to me...
This alone is sacrilege, abominable, punishable by death
Why do You still hear me, if I still wrong You so?
What am I but a foul sinful creature?
Even the stench of my wrong still follows my every word...
Again, who am I that You are mindful of me?
I have pushed grace beyond its' bounds and mercy still covers me.
How awful a state am I in that I do not hate my sin enough to turn?
How weak is my faith that I cannot see Your goodness before me?
Dear God what is the meaning of the sinners prayer...
show me the truth of salvation
teach me to hate sin and love myself
these things I cannot do and neither do i truly know
Where is my soul at this moment?
It has drifted beyond the rise, beyond the fall, far beyond the safety of Your wing
How do I find my way back... without surrendering all control...
It is not possible... perhaps, the right request will be to say
Lord teach me the value of trust and the goodness of truth...
take me once again through the fires of salvation
Renew the fire in me again.
Make this knowledge a reality in this creatures life...
Be merciful on me sinner, but burn forever my sin.
More simply put... JESUS HELP AMEN

DISTANT DRUMS

The distant drums, they beat louder
Louder so that all may hear
The distant drums are calling out
For the Son of Man to come again

Let every heart listen & respond
Sounding the call of the Son of God, King of all
Let the people be humbled on bended knee
In repentant worship to the King of kings

Creation resounds with the distant drums
Knocking on the hearts of every daughter & son
Beating to the tune of the Lovers' song
Revealing the Story of the Sacred Romance

The Son of God, glorified, dying the death of man
Rising again the Saviour King
Giving to all His undying sacred love
Forever to bind us to Himself through His Blood

United in His death we celebrate His life
In God, In Christ, In Spirit & In Truth
We are the called, We are the chosen indeed
Yet we are the children & lovers of God

THE DISTANT DRUMS PLAY THE SALVATION SONG
JESUS CHRIST THE LOVER OF OUR SOULS

Die stilte van die druppels wat so saggies
Die droog en dors aarde tref...
Dieper en dieper trek die geneesende druppels deur...
Deur al die gif van my menslike ambisie
Verby al die mure van my opgeboude hartseer & pyn
Ver verby al my woede deur die jare wat diep en donker begrawe le
Suiwerende druppels deur tot die plek van my diepste skaam

Hier staan ek, maar net 'n mens in die storm van heling
"Give to me clean hands and a pure heart and
Renew a right spirit within me"
Nes David was dit my plig aan U
Was my met U Woord & vul my met U lig
Veilig toegevou in U hande is ek suiwer, skoon & uitgekies

Hier staan ek, 'n mens, 'n kind, 'n vrou van God

first written 08/11/2009